OK, So Here's The Deal...

A Marine Major, Running Fool, and All-Around Smart-Ass.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Too Good Not To Steal

Thanks, WayCoolRob:



1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.

If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

And, Remember:

1. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

2. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

3. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

4. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

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  • At 6:30 AM, Blogger Peppermint24 said…

    Hello Viper,

    i will thx for these 10 tips.
    Especially tip nr. 5 will help me to come better out of the bed in the morning.
    The problem is - many people ask me about my red, violet and blue fingers !
    Greetz from good old germany...

  • At 7:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hi. I came across your blog today and wanted to tell you that I really appreciate what you have to say. My brother was in the Corps for 13 years. My dad is a former Navy man, and my other 2 brothers were Air Force boys. So, military runs in my blood. I will put you in my favorites.

    Thank you for your service to our country and for allowing me the privilege of sleeping sound at night.

    OOHRAH! (or however you spell it! :-)

    Nashville, TN


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