OK, So Here's The Deal...

A Marine Major, Running Fool, and All-Around Smart-Ass.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Rules For Marines

Most of these are so true, it hurts.

Rule 1: If you live in Eastern North Carolina and have a High and Tight haircut, you do not need to wear a shirt claiming you are a Marine or Sailor, everybody already fucking knows.

Rule 2: Don't have a high and tight, it doesn't look good on anybody.

Rule 3: Girls at the bar do not want to hear about how mean your Drill Instructors were.

Rule 4: Guys at the bar do not want to hear about how mean your Drill Instructors were.

Rule 5: If you are gay enough to wear an "OORAH" 2nd BN shirt out, don't start a fight in the club with the other faggot who wore his 3rd BN shirt, nobody cares, fagmo.

Rule 6: Wearing pieces of your uniform i.e. Boots, web belt, etc...with civvies doesn't look cool, and you should actually get your ass beaten for wearing them.

Rule 7: When going to the beach, for the love of Christ do not wear your dog tags, this is not Top Gun, it does not attract women.

Rule 8: Don't go in a group of 8 to the mall and strut around like badasses because here's what’s gonna happen:

A. You are all going to look retarded.
B. You are all going to end up buying cell phones that don't have coverage on base.
C. You are all going to do something that in the next 3 months is going to fuck your credit and get you in trouble financially.

Rule 9: The girl in Greenville who comes up to you and acts suprised and turned on when you tell her you are a Marine, has been with everybody else on Cherry Point/Camp Lejeune/New River Air Station, and just wants your money.

Rule 10: Girls do not want to go back to your SOI/MCT squadbays for late night fun. Nor do they want to hook up with you in a $25 hotel you and 9 other dudes rented for the night.

Rule 11: If you see some one of higher rank carrying their uniform out of the cleaners in town it is not necessary to say "OORAH SGT" or what ever fucking rank they are, and it makes you look even gayer.

Rule 12: Don't ever try to pull rank if you are about to get your ass kicked, that will make the ass kicker more angry and they will probably beat you harder.

Rule 13: If your buddy is lucky enough to start talking to a girl despite his "Devil Dog" shirt and stupid fucking haircut, DO NOT go up 15 seconds later and interrupt to ask if she has any hot friends for you and your other 2 douchebag buddies. (By the way it is a well know fact dumb jarheads travel in packs of 4)

Rule 14: Getting with a deployed Marines whore of a wife who is out there looking for whatever Marine she can find is NOT FUCKING COOL. Plus you are just getting sloppy 24ths on the last MCT Co. that rammed her.

Rule 15: MCMAP does not make you Chuck Norris, so shut your 103 lb ass up before you have to use your dental plan to the max.

Rule 16: Rank stickers above your Base Decal do not make you cool (especially if you are an E-4 or below, it's actually pretty gay.)

Rule 17: If you were dumb enough to buy a car from Liberty Motors take off the goddamned front license plate for Christ’s sake.

Rule 18: If you are going to get a moto tattoo, do not get SEMPER FI in 2 1/2" letters across your shoulder blades, it looks very tacky and gay.... especially if you are a chick.

Rule 19: Cheap backpacks and CD players, need I say more?

Rule 20: If you ever see another Jarhead in trouble, and he doesn't deserve it, help him out, it might be your ass that needs help some day.

Rule 21: Don't even think about putting those faggot ass earrings back in your ears while on liberty.

Rule 22: Civilians don't care about your rank. If some chick asks, she's probably a Marine's wifey or a gold digger.

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  • At 7:16 PM, Blogger Akinoluna said…

    Rule 23: Marines with a sob story to tell about their wife aren't really in a sorry situation with her, she's just out of town and he want to sleep with you.

    Rule 24: Buying a tricked-out Excursion two days after you check-in to your first unit is not an good idea. And violating Rule 16 with your PFC sticker just makes it worse.

  • At 7:41 AM, Blogger Viper said…

    Good ones, A, keep them coming.

  • At 10:02 PM, Anonymous Jeanie from P-town said…

    I mailed these to Jon, who shared them with some of his LCpls. They were rolling!!


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