OK, So Here's The Deal...

A Marine Major, Running Fool, and All-Around Smart-Ass.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Things I Learned AT Presidential Classroom

For those of you that don't know, I volunteered as an instructor for 40 teenagers who came to Washington DC to learn about the inner workings of our governemnt. I know, but they even paid for it.

Anyway, spending many many hours per day with 40 teens can teach you a lot so....

51 nuggets of knowledge I harvested while volunteering for the Presidential Classroom in 2003.

1. Half my uniform items can be referred to as thingies.

2. My uniform is cute.

3. How teenage heads look like gophers while popping out of their rooms at 11:05 at night.

4. How teenage kids can forget a number between 1 and 40 despite saying it multiple times in order all week.

5. How to make cornrows if I decide to change my hairstyle.

6. The difference between Mentos and gum (None, according to Natanya).

7. The back of the bus is the universal collection of loud problem children anywhere you go.

8. Calamities from God happen when Captain Grose does not stay with the Caucus

9. Disrespectful award presenters, even if from different caucuses, are taken care of by sending in the Marines.

10. My digital camera can record hundreds of pictures per day, even ones of sleeping students.

11. PC students become very studious in seminars as the week goes by, evidenced by the focused interest in reading as they lean forward, head down.

12. PC students actually believe I was fooled by this technique.

13. That it’s probably not a good idea to brag to me that you slept for 20 minutes during the last seminar.

14. Suit, tie, jacket, heat, humidity = Casual Mess.

15. Putting something on the Daily will not prevent students from asking obvious questions.

16. If you are in Caucus 8, you will be last to go in everything no matter what you are told to the contrary.

17. That we should tell students to wear uncomfortable shoes to ensure they don’t.

18. Putting 4 people to a room develops debate skills better than Crossfires.

19. Students think my kids endure bootcamp training all their lives.

20. Students are stunned to know I’m a storehouse of music knowledge clear up the current top ten.

21. According to the majority of the female students, Ian is to Prince Charming what Clark Kent is to Superman.

22. Telling students to stay on the Hill before letting them loose results in a useless deduction and waste of four words I’m allotted in this life.

23. Towels CAN be used as bartering commerce.

24. Bus drivers can attain lost status despite landmarks such as 550 ft monuments to guide them.

25. There is such thing as TOO much Gettysburg history. (OK, maybe it was just me).

26. Caucus 8’s combat advance on line could have lost Gettysburg for the North.

27. Formal dinner etiquette for the students is about as familiar to them as nuclear physics taught in an extinct variation of Swahili.

28. Teaching a male student to stand when a lady leaves and also when she returns is akin to providing a love potion.

29. Dance floor moves these days could have caused pregnancies back in my days.

30. Late night interns sleep only when not spoken to.

31. Coffee is the excelsior of life.

32. Marriott elevators not only have a mind of their own but can hold more students than normally considered possible.

33. Marriot elevators move at the same rate as glaciers. No, sloths. No, sloths frozen in glaciers.

34. I wouldn’t be surprised is the CIA now somehow has an internal picture of my spleen.

35. The White House can be considered hideously gaudy and magnificently elegant at the same time.

36. Secret Service agents have a sense of humor.

37. CIA agents don’t and likely have it surgically removed.

38. Not telling the other runners I was going to run on the second panoramic picture was a questionable call.

39. Getting a new room key really screws the other occupants. Bad.

40. A line of blister-footed girls in the SSO should never be asked “How ya doin’?” for any reason. Ever.

41. Dumping a tray of tacos results in cat-like reflexes when one brings only one uniform.

42. Discovering a missing top button while in uniform brings out amazing MacGyver-like qualities in a person.

43. Men are jerks (according to one of my female students).

44. I’m not a “young man” after I point out that I fall in the man category.

45. Tiny bottles of water are nothing more than a tease.

46. Watching men throw rifles with bayonets makes me unconsciously clinch numerous parts of my body.

47. The length of a FULL night’s sleep can become 5 hours.

48. “Sleeping in” can become 6 hours

49. Being tapped on the shoulder by your roommate ½ hour before muster time can trigger spaz mode.

50. Bahrainian ambassadors know how to treat guests.

51. I would be a very skinny man in Bahrain and likely starve within a month.

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  • At 9:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    This must be close to what our 12 chaparones learned while escorting us, The Student Government Club, from Southern California, to LAX, to Boston, to Arlington, to DC, and back home again over an 8 day period. Did I mention we were all 7th, 8th, and 9th graders at the time?

    Now that I am an adult mother of three, I understand, ha ha! I'm sure these children will remember you fondly and maybe, probably laugh out loud too.


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