God, I Wish I Was Kidding

Need more proof I live in Spotsyltucky; the back-woods-banjo center of the Hickiverse?

This was on the back page of the Region section of the local Sunday paper.



This was the caption (again, I'm NOT kidding!):

'Fatty McNasty' (right) waits in the corner of the ring for his competitor, the 'Confederate Warrior' during a match Thursday night at the Fredericksburg Agricultural Fair. They're part of the entertainment wrestling group that trains in Louisa.

My Top Ten Comments:

1. Holy McShit.
2. That's three, count them THREE sets of tits on one man.
3. I don't think 'Fatty McNasty' was "waiting in the corner". I think Fatty was trying to desperately locate some much needed McOxygen.
4. Did they really have to point out the "(right)" as though we would be unable to determine which one of these two was dubbed "Fatty McNasty"?
5. Confederate Warrior. Yep, ain't no tangle around these parts without a Civil War reference.
6. Fredericksburg Agricultural Fair? Is there any other kind of fair other than "agricultural"?
7. There is something on Fatty's arm. I don't know what it is. I don't want to know. Maybe a ribbon to remind him to eat his helping of babies after the show.
8. In the paper next to this picture was the headline to the article: Fair: Organizers consider emphasizing livestock events. I think they just did.
9. You think it's bad looking at this, the Confederate Warrior had to sink his arms into that huge bucket of shit.
10. For the love all that is good in this world would someone help me get the hell out of this cartoon of a region?