OK, So Here's The Deal...

A Marine Major, Running Fool, and All-Around Smart-Ass.

Friday, February 10, 2006


Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.

You drive next to a Rolls Royce and don't notice.

You don't know anyone's phone number unless you check your cell phone.

You speak Spanish, but you're not Mexican.

You begin to "lie" to your friends about how close you are when you know that it'll take you at least an hour to get there (see below).

Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes".

You drive to your neighborhood block party.

In the winter, you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.

You eat a different ethnic food for every meal.

If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.

Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.

You know what In-N-Out is and feel bad for all the other states because they don't have any.

You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California roll.

You really can never be too rich or too thin or too tan.

You've partied in Tijuana at least 3 times. You don't remember any of them.

You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.

You eat pineapple on pizza.

Your cell phone has left a permanent impression on the side of your head.

You think that Venice is a beach.

The waitress asks if you'd like "carbs" in your meal.

You know who the tinsel underwear dude in Venice Beach is.

You classify new people you meet by their Area Code. An "818" would never date a "562" and anyone from "323" or "213" is ghetto/second class. Best area code: "714, 949." Nobody likes anyone from the "909, 951" because it smells there.

You call 911 and they put you on hold.

You have a gym membership because it's mandatory.

The gym is packed at 3pm, on a workday.

You think you are better than the people who live "Over the Hill." It doesn't matter on which side of the hill you are currently residing, you are just better than them, for whatever reason.

You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald's or a Starbucks.

You know what "SigAlert", "PCH", and "The Five" mean.

You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a "STORM WATCH" report on every news station.

The Terminator is your governor.

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  • At 7:51 AM, Anonymous Jennifer said…

    I found something similar but about New York, which in my opinion is so much better than Cali. (that's another sign...you never aspire to go to Cali)

    Signs you have been living in New York too long:

    1. You get very annoyed with out-of-towners who think the subway is unsafe.

    2. You actively avoid bars that people from the outer boroughs or tourists frequent.

    3. You figure that a date costs at least $200.

    4. You have not seen a bank teller in several years, because your idea of going to the bank is using the ATM at your corner deli.

    5. You haven't smelled grass clippings in over a year.

    6. You haven't "called shotgun" in a long, long time.

    7. You think that New Jersey is really far away.

    8. You plot the Barney's Warehouse Sale on your calendar.

    9. You have over two month's rent in credit card debt, but you still eat out every night.

    10. You hate all tourists, who apparently need to stop in the middle of the sidewalk because they have never seen such a huge Gap store.

    11. You have stayed out later than 4 am on a Monday or a Tuesday night in the past week.

    12. Your passport gets more use than your driver's license

    13. You are ashamed to be assigned a 646 area code.

    14. You can't imagine eating dinner before 8 o'clock at night.

    15. Not one of your adult friends is married, has a car, owns an apartment, or aspires to any of the above.

    16. You think nothing of a man in leather pants.

    17. Your childhood bedroom is bigger than your current apartment, but your rent costs more than your parents' mortgage payment.

    18. At least one meal each week consists solely of drinks, olives, and nuts.

    19. You eat Thai, Vietnamese, Indian, Ethiopian and sushi at least once each week.

    20. You tell everyone you love NY because you of the cultural institutions, but can't remember the last time you set foot in a museum or theater.

    21. You spend $10.75 to see a movie.

    22. You take $160 with you every night you go out: $25 for cabs, $25 for cover, $60 for dinner, and $50 for drinks.

    23. You have gone out on 3 dates with 3 different people in the same week, but haven't spoken to any of them since.

    24. You wear Prada shoes, Gucci sunglasses, a Cartier watch, and cashmere, but claim to be poor.

    25. You think the only places you could ever live are New York, Paris, London, San Francisco or on an island in the Caribbean

  • At 4:21 PM, Blogger O! said…

    Like endangered species, elitism should die.

  • At 1:34 AM, Blogger Ghostrider said…

    A few of those things on the list apply to me rofl and just so you know, its ALLL about 858's and 619's when it comes to SoCal and in N Tx it's 214 or the door. Lames "rhyme" ive ever come up with in 4 seconds or less.

  • At 6:13 AM, Blogger Viper said…


    After visiting you in New York, I see that your list is more accurate than I would have ever imagined.

  • At 3:47 PM, Anonymous Kia said…

    what about 661 area code! :D

  • At 5:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    NO ONE from california calls it cali.

    i would probably shoot one in the knee cap and laugh at them if they said cali in front of me. even if i were out of state.

  • At 12:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Whatever that isn't accurate.. I've spent my entire life in socal.. and People definitely say Cali.. first of all. And we don't say that this area code cant date this area code.. we just represent.. 559... So cal is poor as hell so no we dont see expensive cars, we dont tan at salons, we dont do the gym... we definitley smoke. No one judges people from the Ghetto cuz 85% of us are from it.

  • At 11:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    haha! it doesn't smell in the 909 (which btw is the largest area code in the US.) People just say it smells so they don't have to drive through there, cause only the best make it out alive.

  • At 6:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    u forgot area code 310

    and the guy that posted at 12:16 is a fuckhead

    we c alot of expensive cars we do tan at salons and most of the population has a membership 2 a gym

    and people do judge each other a lot

    the ghetto is the bad part of town thats where all the the gangstas live and the pimps and hoes and prostitutes

    thats what is said about it and im pretty sure thats called judging shithead

  • At 2:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    actually southern california isnt that poor
    and 323 and 213 is pretty ghetto
    and you do see expensive cars depending in what cities your in, and I know alot of people that tan in salons actually hahaha. and no I'm not "rich" but I'm not close to poor either.

  • At 2:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    $10.75 is cheap for a movie ticket down here in southern california.

  • At 2:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    323 and 213 are on the more ghetto side but thats whats great about southern california. we have the most ghetto areas in the nation mixed in with the richest people. you can start in a super poor area, drive for twenty minutes, and have dinner with celebrities. i cant speak for all of southern california, but if you are anywhere within a nicer neighborhood in the la county area you will be surrounded by people who drive expensive cars, tan at salons before they go to the beach, and at least own a gym membership even if they never use it.

  • At 12:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You drive next to a Rolls Royce and don't notice.
    -- I notice, but its nothing exciting

    You speak Spanish, but you're not Mexican.
    -It's almost mandatory to know Spanish if you want to be successful lol

    You begin to "lie" to your friends about how close you are when you know that it'll take you at least an hour to get there (see below).

    Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes".
    --VERY, Very true. Me and my friends do this all the time. When my friend tells me he'll be here in 20 minutes. I get ready usually around 40 minutes later.

    If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.
    --Enough said. haha

    You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California roll.
    --I didn't even know we were known for this lol. I thought everyone did it.

    You think that Venice is a beach.
    --I totally thought that.

    You classify new people you meet by their Area Code. An "818" would never date a "562" and anyone from "323" or "213" is ghetto/second class. Best area code: "714, 949." Nobody likes anyone from the "909, 951" because it smells there.
    --We classify people by area codes.
    But we aren't stupid enough to use it like that.

    You call 911 and they put you on hold.
    --YES lol

    You have a gym membership because it's mandatory.
    --Only if you live under a rock, you would think this isn't true.

    The gym is packed at 3pm, on a workday.
    --4pm at the one i go to.

    You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald's or a Starbucks.
    --From Bolsa Chica beach to Westside Long Beach there are 7 Jack in the Box's down PCH within a 30 min radius.

    You know what "SigAlert", "PCH", and "The Five" mean.
    --Haven't heard of the five yet.

    It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a "STORM WATCH" report on every news station.
    --Super true.

    The Terminator is your governor.

  • At 11:37 AM, Blogger rajpreet said…

    "haha! it doesn't smell in the 909 (which btw is the largest area code in the US.) People just say it smells so they don't have to drive through there, cause only the best make it out alive."

    haha this is soooo true....because i live in the 909, 951 area....i dont think its THAT ghetto...haha

    ...the guy who posted at 12:16 IS a fuckhead and doesnt know what he's talking about...

  • At 10:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    'the five' is the five freeway. (Interstate 5) You HAVE to know that if you like ANYWHERE in California, from san diego, to sacramento.

  • At 6:05 AM, Blogger T said…

    uhm doi the five freeway???? sacto to la?? are you retarded? 323 isn't ghetto, 323 is hollywood and our rent is a shit load of money... 213 is gheto, 310 is the riches... Orange county is boring ass suburban 14 year old kids with hipster hair.

  • At 7:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    See this just goes to show how different So Cal is depending on who you are....

    Because honestly, I've lived in So Cal L.A. area all my life and I don't do/think about half of this. No one in my area judges people by something so stupid as an area code ><

    But, its all up to a matter of differences and everyone sees different sides I guess.

    Though I will admit quite a few of these do make sense.

  • At 3:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Another "you know you're from So Cal when..."

    1. you want to cause bodily harm to everyone who calls it "the OC"

    2. you never go to the beach in the summer or on a holiday (when you're supposed to go) because there are so many tourists that it takes you an hour to get from pch to balboa.

    3. On Sunday mornings, church is empty but all breakfast places in newport have a 2 hour waiting list.

    4. you know your fire evacuation route because you know when the santa anas pick up you're probably in trouble

    5. you know what "santa anas" are

    6. at least 3 people you know drives a prius

    7. you have all kinds of outdoorsy gear (for hiking, scuba, off roading, camping, kayaking) but you have only used it once

  • At 4:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It really depends on what part of the 323 your in. It's not ALL ghetto... I'm in the 323, and it's pretty nice.

  • At 3:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    To the first person who posted about NY, yes, you are an elitist, just like Hitler. So many people have made the journey out to California. Thousands and thousands of people do every year to work as a slave at Disneyland.

    And while a couple of these things are true, I think they were mostly written by someone who watched too much Saved By the Bell in the 90's. We understand area codes, but wtf about using it against dating people. That is retarded.

    And a bunch of these things can be applied to dozens of other places in the country!!!

  • At 5:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    A santa anas are hot winds that come from the desert. Any southern californian knows that. Tourists are really funny because they have their WAP hat on (with the tag on lol), the shamu tail necklace, legoland t-shirt, and shorts that they got from a shop by the pier. I thought venice was a beach lol. They do have storm watch any time it rains and i know that the 5 is a freeway. I also know that vista and chula vista are very different. The 20 minute rule is totally true. And people say dude non-stop in Escondido (guilty). But remember not all of that stuff about southern california. Ill laugh my head off if any one said cali, or hang loose! Most people do know 3or more different ways to get to qs. I never go to the beach in december or febuary. Its too cold in december to do anything. It rains like crazy in febuary and it a almost snowed this year. I go to the beach in the summer but get there really early to get parking and a good spot. (Dumb tourists always take up the parking. Whats up with that. They shold have parking reserved for the natives!) I dont know how to surf and you have to learn spanis to be successful here. I live almost in valley center and the ghetto. The ghetto isnt that bad. Now you have a taste of california.

  • At 2:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You know you're from NoCal when someone asks you where you're from you just say California, and lie about how close to Hollywood you are. Unless their like gay, then you tell them you frequent San Franciso all the time and you're actually telling the truth.

  • At 3:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    SoCal Best knwn for our women weed and weather no doubt I lived in OC WSCM and seen ferraris lambos rolls all my life I moved to lameass NorCal and they get wet wen they see a ferrari Haha too funny Socal is Cali we the best come visit but make sure u don't come in acting like u own the world or start problems with anyone cuz ull lose a tooth car money maybe even ur life were party active and down to earth just don't come in like u own the joint....SoCal= women,weed and weather -kendrick lamar....made it knwn more...the recipe..

  • At 4:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You're in accurate! First off California is one of 5 most expensive states to live in. Were not poor as hell, I don't knower where you're from but Yorba Linda is one of the most wealthy cities on the country due to more people with high pensions from retirement. Second of all of you're from Orange County "The OC" as its referred, do have issues dating 909´ners or 951´ners. Third off its very common to see exotic cars all the time and at least 1 out of 2 of your friends and neighbors owns a BMW, Mercedes, Lexus, and Cadillac. Forth, we do have gym passes and one of the few states you will see more 24hr gyms and yes we fake and bake at tanning salons. And least but not least 85% of us is NOT from our live in the ghetto. Get your facts straight! Cause seriously you seem very uneducated of the state wide stats and social behaviors of a southern Californian. The only thing you got right bro, is we do say Cali all the time as this is a very ebonics speaking state. I'm a girl from OC and were pretty judgmental and heath freaks that thrive making lots of cash and bigger better things we want is never enough. Thanks!

  • At 4:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The Five is slang for the 5 Freeway aka The Golden State Freeway, The Santa Ana Freeway (South Bound) and the Los Angeles Freeway (North Bound).

  • At 4:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The guy that posted at 12:16 claims he's from Cali, but I doubt he really is because douche is so off in left field with his "facts" and opinions. He's probably once tried to live here on his own from a different state but failed and couldn't handle our fast life and could afford to live here anymore or maybe visited a few times and stayed on South Central or Compton. I've been to 37 states and let me tell you many people are infatuated with Cali and its super dirt cheap in most other states and very poor areas. Most of the country are very simple. So he's a dumb ass.

  • At 5:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    More facts about California especially SoCal and Orange County is we have the hottest girls and the most MILFs as OC women are considered the healthiest women on the world. More Playmates come from socal, 1 out of 4 of the chicks ranging from 18-30 have boob jobs (which I'm guilty for that), you know the 91 Riverside Fwy is a parking lot nightmare on the weekdays from noon to 8pm. We get excited Whenever we get sine bad weather. Your scared whenever The Santa Anas come especially living on the hills. You know that the Los Angeles Angels are in Anaheim. Its common to run into sports players at the has station. Most of your friends either have famous siblings or well known business owners for parents. Most friends and maybe your self owns a German made car. We spend a lot of money on clothes and beauty. Its common to live in a home that's almost a million dollars or more. You've been to Las Vegas at least once a year or more and been to San Francisco at least 3 times in your life. For girls, you've have at least dated more then on guy that's a "Bro" with lifted trucks and tattoos. You go on drives for the fun of it. Its common to drive up to 25 miles either direction to go to bars or clubs as were known to be the asphalt jungle.most of all girls and guys are very judged mental and competitive.

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