Chris Chronicles, Continued

I have to pass on this story because it is SOOOOO my brother. Sorry Chris, but I’ll try to be as PC as I can but this story must be told.

My brother is single so when he makes his yearly trek down to Arizona for Mariner Spring Training, it is a well-deserved good time of drinking, partying, and general debauchery. Someone has to keep this flame alive and by God, Chris is doing his best year after year.

He was down there last week and like a good single man keeping the dream alive, he was at a bar with his friend, drinking to the loud music and looking for a female companion to share the general celebration of the night.

Kudos to my brother that he started talking to a fine young thing who seemed as interested in him as he was in her. After some time of getting to know each other (1/2 hour, tops) she makes HER move and invites HIM to HER hotel.

My brother, never passing an opportunity to … spend some quality time with a fine upstanding young lady, follows her to the front of the club and wonders how life could get any better.

Then the Grose blood makes its appearance.

Getting to the front of the club, she walks through a very ornate door which, as he described it, was a funky little affair with a weird design of different sized holes carved into the wood.

As he gets to the door, he sticks his hand out to push it open and somehow, his finger slides into one of the holes. When he tried to pull it out, it was like a Chinese finger puzzle; it wouldn’t let go. He claims it was something akin to his hand passing through a micro-blackhole and shrinking in size for the split second it took for his finger to pass through the hole. Just unexplainable.

So he’s standing there with his finger stuck in the door and he sees his young maiden walking out to the parking lot but two more things conspire against him.

First, the music was so loud that she could not hear him.

Second, it doesn’t matter because he had no idea what her name was.

So she walked out, oblivious that he was stuck in the door behind her.

It took the bouncers about 15 minutes to find a screwdriver and get him out of it and by that time, Chris ran out into the parking lot but she was gone.

She probably thought he ditched her and took off.

He returned to that bar every night he was there but she never showed up again.

And of course, she (in his words) looked like a Maxim model and you know what? I don’t doubt it.

See the blood that running through my veins, people?