OK, So Here's The Deal...

A Marine Major, Running Fool, and All-Around Smart-Ass.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

A Heartening Response

Yesterday's post touched a lot of nerves so I'm glad I can post some positive headway on this issue. I wrote to the Marine Officer Instructor at the University of Washington's NROTC unit, of which I am an alum. The current MOI is a good friend who I not only went to college with, but also went through the cauldron of OCS with. That he is the man in charge there at UW is as strange to me as it is testament that these positions draw only the best Officers. The strangeness doesn't come from the fact that he shouldn't be there but that the buddy I remember was a young, unseasoned kid in my memory. Obviously a decade has changed that but he will always be that "Tim" that I knew in the past.

Anyway, here is his response to the situation:

This issue has blown up and was even on Fox News this weekend. The student senate was split on the vote, and the decision was made by the VP. The voices of opposition had very ill-founded, ignorant comments supporting their argument and that has sparked a vigorous exchange of commentary. The Daily and local newspapers are all chock full of OPEDs blasting this issue. The good news is that the ASUW is proposing that Jill Edwards make a formal apology, and a motion is to be presented to memorialize all five of the CMoH recipients (which I think is more appropriate) instead of just Pappy. My students are a bit aggravated by the developments, to say the least.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

I Hope They Don't Make Me Choose

This really pissed me off.

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Man Without Honor

Greg Hallenbeck was like many men of his generation. He had to work hard to get a good start in life. A tough, stocky kid, part Sioux Indian, he managed to get to the University of Washington in the teeth of the Great Depression.

By that time his parents were separated. His mother helped him through school by working as a switch board operator in Tacoma, Wash. To pick up the rest of the financial slack he had to work all his spare hours at various jobs. During the summers he worked in a gold mine in Idaho, his home state.

If the work was a burden, Greg didn't show it. He realized that his university education was a privilege and he took full advantage of it. He signed up for ROTC, made the university wrestling and swimming teams, joined a fraternity and graduated four years later (1934) with a degree in aeronautical engineering.

With his Army ROTC commission he served with the Coast Artillery Reserve in Washington state. Meanwhile, he had been fortunate enough to land a job as a draftsman at Boeing Aircraft, in Tacoma, after graduation. He loved airplanes and he wanted to fly.
And fly he did. Into history.

He joined the Marine Corps Reserve in 1936 as an aviation cadet. He got his wings in 1937 and accepted a commission in the regular Marine Corps later that year. By 1940, he was at Pensacola Naval Air Station as a flight instructor, as the clouds of World War II loomed ever closer to the United States.

Greg didn't wait for the war. He went to it. He joined the American Volunteer Group, later known as the famed Flying Tigers, to help defend China against Japan. In his military career since graduation he had become known not by his stepfather's name, Hallenbeck, but by his father's name, Boyington.

By the time the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7, 1941, Greg Boyington was a Flying Tiger squadron commander who had already shot down six Japanese planes over China.
No time for details here. Gregory "Pappy" Boyington became a legend fast. He was dubbed Pappy by the younger pilots of his famed "Black Sheep" fighter squadron because of his "advanced" age. He was, after all, 31, and most of them were in their young 20s.

Pappy Boyington led by example in the air war over various Pacific islands. During one period, in 1943, he shot down 14 Japanese planes in 32 days. On October 17, 1943, Pappy led a force of 24 Marine fighters over the Japanese fighter base at Kahili, on the island of Bougainville. They circled the base repeatedly, daring the 60 Japanese fighters on the field to come up. When the Japanese responded, Pappy's boys shot down 20 of them before scooting back to base without losing a plane.

He displayed extraordinary leadership, extraordinary acumen as a pilot, and extraordinary courage, no matter what the odds against him. On January 3, 1944, during a huge fighter action over Rabaul, Pappy shot down his 28th Japanese plane and was himself shot down in the wild aerial melee.

Unseen by his fellow pilots, he bailed out, dropped into the ocean, and was soon picked up by a Japanese submarine. The Japanese did not report his capture and while he spent 20 months of torture and near starvation in prisoner of war camps, he was listed by the U.S. as missing in action.

In March 1944, Boyington was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor by President Franklin Delano Roosevelt. His comrades thought it was a posthumous decoration. But Pappy survived the prison camp, was freed at the end of the war, and stood in the White House on October 5, 1945, still recovering from the physical and psychological effects of his imprisonment, as President Harry S Truman draped the nation's highest award for bravery around his neck.

Flash forward 61 years. A move is afoot, naturally enough, one would think, to honor Greg Boyington, Class of 1934, at his alma mater, the University of Washington. A resolution comes before the august Student Senate for a statue honoring the Medal of Honor winner. Not "a large statue, but rather something on a small scale" (according to the minutes of the senate).
Ahem.

A distinguished "Senator," Jill Edwards moves to table the matter. Discussion ensues on who this Boyington is and why he should be honored. One student says he had read about Boyington and thought the university should be proud of him.

Distinguished Senator Jill Edwards questions "whether it was appropriate to honor a person who killed other people."

She further wonders whether "a member of the Marine Corps was an example of the sort of person UW wanted to produce."

Another distinguished Senator, Ashley Miller, "commented that many monuments at UW already commemorate rich white men."

Student Senator Karl Smith casts some oil on the troubled waters by suggesting that the resolution honoring Boyington be stripped of any mention of "destroying 26 enemy aircraft." Perhaps, in this way, Colonel Boyington's "service" could be acknowledged, but "not his killing of others."

Discussion then ensues on the finer point that "a destroyed aircraft was not necessarily indicative that a pilot had died."

We will spare you the rest of the deliberations and ruminations of the UW student legislative body, filled as it is with pious parsing and handwringing and ahistorical thumbsucking over how to mention that embarrassing Medal of Honor in some way that would leave no trail back to the fact that it was won in a war, where killing took place, to stop an aggressor bent on subjugating at least one half of the globe.

If you are an alumni of UW, you should be pissed or ashamed or both.

If you are not an alumni you should at least be embarrassed at the fact that this kind of "thinking" is too, too normal from the present generation of college students (and professors) all over this country.

Fortunately, Pappy Boyington did not live to see this pathetic half-lit circus on his old campus. He died January 11, 1988. He was buried at Arlington National Cemetery with the highest military honors of the nation for which he fought with such skill and bravery. He is much more a credit to UW than all the bright young things who now populate its Student Senate.

Ralph Bennett is a TCS contributing editor.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

'Peaceful' Runs Help Vet, 60, Get Past Iraq

This is very cool. Thanks Lily for sending it to me:

After serving in Vietnam and Iraq, a Deerfield Beach sexagenarian is ready for the challenge of the inaugural A1A Marathon.

BY ASHLEY FANTZ afantz@MiamiHerald.com

When Clarence Kugler went out for a run in Baghdad, he always carried a handful of sharp rocks to keep the wild dogs away.

A hulking former Army sergeant who made a civilian hobby of running ultra-marathons -- up to 100 miles -- as well as Ironman and triathlon competitions, the 60-year-old from Deerfield Beach was the oldest soldier to have been stationed in Iraq.

He wasn't about to let deployment in the world's most dangerous place spoil his workout then. And now, back in Broward, Kugler will be among thousands expected to run Sunday in the inaugural A1A Marathon.

The beach run will be a breeze after Baghdad, where his carefully chosen six-mile daily training routes took him through the American-controlled Green Zone, a place of relative safety -- except for the occasional fireworks.

''There's nothing like hearing mortar fire to make you pick up the pace!'' Kugler said.

Just weeks after the 478th arrived in Baghdad, a car bomb exploded outside Assassin's Gate at the Green Zone entrance, killing 10 Iraqis and wounding 30.

''Troops from our unit had to go out and pick up body parts,'' said Kugler, who was a mile from the explosion.

''It was a very tough experience that made you realize no place was really safe,'' he added.

Kugler returned more than a year ago from a two-year tour with the 478th Civil Affairs Battalion. His morning runs are calmer now. Instead of a barbed-wire blast wall, he's flanked by his jogging partner, a wheaten terrier named Marley. They rise at 5 a.m. and set out from their Deerfield Beach home on training runs for Sunday's race. He'll be running the half-marathon -- his third in three months.

The race begins on Southeast 17th Street, heads east to A1A, then north along the ocean. Half-marathoners will turn around at 36th Street. Those running the full course will continue to the Hillsboro Inlet bridge in Pompano Beach before heading south.

It's a nearly flat course, on which a decent time qualifies a runner for the Boston Marathon.

Kugler is a Vietnam veteran who joined the Army Reserves in his mid-40s to earn some extra cash so his wife Ali could go back to school.

''I was 58 when I got the activation orders -- two years, destination unknown,'' he recalled. ``That was a big swallow.''

Kugler became the oldest enlisted soldier to serve in Iraq, earning the nickname ``Old School.''

In Baghdad, Kugler ran as often as possible, cherishing that single hour in the day that was his alone. Some days, it was safer to swim laps in Saddam's palace pool or bike along the Tigris River.

During the unforgiving summer of 2004, another runner -- an Army Captain -- staged Baghdad's first marathon. Kugler signed up along with a few others, for the 26.2-mile loop around the Green Zone in 89-degree heat.

Military officials refused to sanction the race, considering it too dangerous, but bib numbers and T-shirts were printed anyway. Trophies were crafted out of broken pieces of marble and granite from a bombed-out building. Armed volunteers handed out water.

Kugler was one of 10 who finished.

He unfolds a wrinkled Baghdad Marathon T-shirt from a box that holds race mementos: a lei from the two Ironmans in Kona, Hawaii; a brass belt buckle from an ultra marathon; and a photo album with a shot of Kugler smiling next to the toppled statue of Saddam Hussein, his finger up the former dictator's nose.

Kugler had returned from Vietnam a smoker, barely able to run a mile. He laid off the cigarettes and hit the track, working his way up to marathons, triathlons, and then ultra-distance events like 50-mile races.

For ''fun,'' Kugler finished the treacherous 1984 Liberty to Liberty Triathlon. It began at Manhattan's Liberty State Park and ended at Philadelphia's Liberty Bell, via a very nasty swim through the Hudson River.

Three years later, he tackled the Western States, a 100-mile trail run in California endured by only a few dozen athletes. His time: 29 hours, 17 minutes.

Throughout his 50s, he completed more triathlons and marathons than he can remember. But was he ready for war?

''Surely, I thought, they wouldn't drop a guy my age out of a plane,'' he said.

After a short stint in Hungary in early 2003, he was sent to Baghdad.

''I thought it would be Peace Corps type stuff,'' he recalled. ``We'd be well-received, eating native food, running around.''

But it wasn't like that.

His battalion fixed sewers, installed electrical lines, kept the water running, and tried to mend sore feelings. Kugler spent his first six months helping Iraqi civilians locate lost relatives, many of whom had been jailed. The work earned him a citation from Paul Bremer, the former head of the Coalition Provisional Authority.

But like many Iraq vets, Kugler had a tough transition to normal life. Driving on Interstate 95 reminded him of driving in Iraq. He couldn't sleep. He didn't want to leave the house.

Now retired from the Army, Kugler gets medical treatment and counseling at a veterans' clinic. His family says he's returning to his old self.

One sure sign is his promise to get back into ultra-marathoning after his 61st birthday this month.

''Peaceful, stress-free runs . . . ,'' he said. ``Perfect.''

Oaths

I stole this from someone. I'm sure I don't have to ask, but let me know who it was so I can give you ample credit. But I know you stole it from someone so don't be cute about it.

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US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our Physical Training as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services.

I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!"

____________________
Signature

____________________
Date

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US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date.

I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me so, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY."

I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!"

_____________________
Signature

_____________________
Date

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US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet."

I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!"

______________________
Signature

______________________
Date

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US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh....high- and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill.... fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn.... blowup....ugh...Air Force women....beer..... sailors wives.....air strikes.... yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute.... Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH! So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"

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Thumb Print

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Teeth Marks

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

VP Funnies

"Late Show with David Letterman," CBS

"Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney."

"But here is the sad part -- before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy's request for body armor."

"We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney."

"The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet."

"The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," NBC

"Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C., Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear."

"That's the big story over the weekend. ... Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent."

"I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?' "

"Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new Dick Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!"

"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," Comedy Central

The show's segment titles included "Cheney's Got a Gun," "No. 2 With a Bullet" and "Dead-Eye Dick."

"Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird."

"Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. ... But it also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. ... Moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land, or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted -- it's just not worth it."

"Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson," CBS

"He is a lawyer and he got shot in the face. But he's a lawyer, he can use his other face. He'll be all right."

"You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.' "

"The big scandal apparently is that they didn't release the news for 18 hours. I don't think that's a scandal at all. I'm quite pleased about that. Finally there's a secret the vice president's office can keep."

"Apparently the reason they didn't release the information right away is they said we had to get the facts right. That's never stopped them in the past."

Monday, February 13, 2006

Possibly The Funniest Scrubs Scene EVER!

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Just Because I Like It

(There, happy Butch?)

Friday, February 10, 2006

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA IF.......

Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.

You drive next to a Rolls Royce and don't notice.

You don't know anyone's phone number unless you check your cell phone.

You speak Spanish, but you're not Mexican.

You begin to "lie" to your friends about how close you are when you know that it'll take you at least an hour to get there (see below).

Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes".

You drive to your neighborhood block party.

In the winter, you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.

You eat a different ethnic food for every meal.

If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.

Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.

You know what In-N-Out is and feel bad for all the other states because they don't have any.

You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California roll.

You really can never be too rich or too thin or too tan.

You've partied in Tijuana at least 3 times. You don't remember any of them.

You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.

You eat pineapple on pizza.

Your cell phone has left a permanent impression on the side of your head.

You think that Venice is a beach.

The waitress asks if you'd like "carbs" in your meal.

You know who the tinsel underwear dude in Venice Beach is.

You classify new people you meet by their Area Code. An "818" would never date a "562" and anyone from "323" or "213" is ghetto/second class. Best area code: "714, 949." Nobody likes anyone from the "909, 951" because it smells there.

You call 911 and they put you on hold.

You have a gym membership because it's mandatory.

The gym is packed at 3pm, on a workday.

You think you are better than the people who live "Over the Hill." It doesn't matter on which side of the hill you are currently residing, you are just better than them, for whatever reason.

You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald's or a Starbucks.

You know what "SigAlert", "PCH", and "The Five" mean.

You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a "STORM WATCH" report on every news station.

The Terminator is your governor.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Attention!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

My Super Bowl Invitation To Sir Phil



We are having turkey.
We are having mashed potatoes.
We are having stuffing.
We are having gravy.
We are having buttered rolls.
We are having beer.
We are having Jim Beam Black Label.
We are having chips.
We are having veggie plate.
We are having fire.
We are having 52 inch television.
We are having 9.1 Surround Sound through 8 speakers.
We are having a crotch-sniffing dog (around, not to eat).
We must have Patches.
You must come.
You must bring the spousal unit.
You must bring the spawn.
You could even bring Daisy.

We will have victory for the Seahawks.