Early Coordination Email To Sir Phil

This is me getting ready for the cross-country trip to California and the 2006 Wild Wild West Marathon.

I just thought I'd let you all into my mind and how it works when I get to planning. Notice the alternative planning, the crazy math skills, and the anal retentive detailing. This is what Sir Phil must deal with every year.

(here is how it finally turned out)

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Sticking with the schedule from last year:

Wednesday May 3: Fly from BWI to Vegas

Thursday May 4: Vegas, Baby

Friday May 5: Drive to Lone Pine

Saturday May 6: Run/Drive back to Vegas

Sunday May 7: Fly back to BWI

We can get an “Internet Fare” on the way out but to get back, we have to go two steps over to the more expensive “Fun Fare” (which I would challenge). The total cost would be $313 each.

If we bump our return date to Monday, then we can get the “Internet Fare” both ways for a cost of $235.20.

That’s a savings of $77.80 each but we would also have to consider an extra night in a hotel and an extra day of parking. We could return the rental car on Saturday night so it wouldn’t cost extra there but then walking around Vegas the day after a marathon might not be all that fun. At least for me.

Now, let’s look at Ontario:

I found two non-stop “Internet Fares” for $269.70 each.

But if we are flying into Ontario, we don’t need the extra day so it would look something like this:

Thursday May 4: Fly from BWI to Ontario

Friday May 5: Drive to Lone Pine

Saturday May 6: Run/Drive back to Ontario

Sunday May 7: Fly back to BWI

Even with the best fares, it comes out to $315.70. Looks like the better deal is to stay the extra day.

I will continue to see if I can find better fares. Any suggestions?

Jason D. Grose
Captain
United States Marine Corps

Favorite Line From Reno911

(Lt Dangle and Dep. Jones discussing the general anger in Garcia's personality)

Lt. Dangle: "You ever been in the bathroom when Garcia is trying to push out a deuce?...."

"It's like Normandy."

Email Exchange

Reader
I liked your set of Christmas pictures. I am glad you were able to find a way to fit Buster into it! I read one of you blogs about the wind you guys had, today WE GOT POWER BACK after 2 days, luckly work has 3 redundant generators. The wind was blowing so hard it ripped both the American flag and the California flag of the flag pole at work and they landed on top of a roof of a church across the street. The flags were replaced a day and a half before our power was :)

Well take care and thanks again for the shot glass

Me
Glad you got the glass. It was sitting on my desk forever and finally go around to sending it.
Sorry it took so long.

Reader
sir you crack me up. You already got back to me about the shotglass. The email I sent was mainly to tell you I liked your Christmas Pics :)

Me
Really? OK.

Hey, I hope you like that shot glass I sent. Sorry about the delay. I had it wrapped in bubblewrap on my desk forever.

Reader
You are the shit

Why?

I know they do it in the woods but.....

Chris's Marathon Pic

No, he didn't RUN a marathon, I did. But he worked it, setting up barricades for the runners.

Here is a pic of my brother and the team of his co-workers who worked the Seafair marathon I ran last year. Chris is front row, 3rd from left, next to guy throwin' horns and below Jam Master Dork.

My Brother's Contribution

Cat….."I’m a cat, mutherfucker, you’re a bird…so I’m going to say this one time and one time only…get the fuck off my……"

Before the cat could finish her sentence, the Eagle grabbed her and took up to 50,000 feet in 10 seconds and that’s the last we ever saw of Mrs. Dingles.

Cheater!

I'm not posting this to make fun of my boy, it's just too funny to pass up. This is something he emailed to Toontown in response to a cheater, a label he dubbed someone via the same subject line as the title of this post.

He gets this level of anger from his mother.

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Dear Toontown Online Staff:

I have encountered a cheater while racing at Goofy Speedway. He went halfway through the first lap and all of a sudden he went super fast and beat the course almost right away. His toon name was Big Skip. I have pictures of the race and his time. Please ban him from toontown, in my opinion, if he wants to cheat he should be banned for life.

(P.S.- If you need any extra info, then just email back)

Sincerely:

Carrie Grose
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(Note that he then signs my wife's name.)

So This Is What It Feels Like

I'm in shock. I can't believe it.

Since I was a kid, literally, the Seahawks have been, well, the Seahawks. You didn't expect that much out of them and other than having the best uniforms in football, they were the retarded kid everyone kind of smiled at, looked out for, but didn't expect much out of.

Now, they are Super Bowl-bound.

Have I kept the flame lit all these years? No. I really haven't paid all that much attention to football in general but now that my hometown team is going to the big one, I finally have something to look forward to.

Two weeks.

Because I Had To Wrap The Presents For My Brother

12 Step Program for Recovering Marines

Marines Anonymous

1. I am a Marine, I have a problem. This is the first step to recovery...

2. Speech:

- Time should never begin with a zero or end in a hundred, it is not 0530 or 1400 it is 5:30 in the morning (AKA God-awful early).

- Words like deck, rack, and "PT" will get you weird looks; floor, bed, work out, get used to it.

- "F *ck" cannot be used to replace whatever word you can't think of right now, try "um".

- Grunting is not talking.

- It's a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone do not end in "out"

- People will not know what you are talking about if you tell them you are coming from Camp Lejeune with the MWSS platoon or that you spent a deployment in the OCAC

3. Style:

- Do not put creases in your jeans.

- Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.

- A horseshoe cut looks dumb, not motivating.

- A high and tight looks really dumb as well.

- So does a low reg, but not as bad.

- A hat indoors does not make you a bad person, it makes you like the rest of the world.

- You do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.

4. Women:

- Air Force girls are easy, very easy, not all women are this easy and will probably punch you in the nuts if you treat them like Air Forcegirls.

- Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not normal, neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is your first.

- Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the barracks does not make "financial sense", it makes you a retard.

5. Personal accomplishments:

- In the real world, being able to do pushups will not make you good at your job.

- Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you tell them about people you have killed or seen die.

- How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment.

- The time you got really drunk and passed the sobriety test anyway is also not a personal accomplishment.

6. Drinking:

- In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you an intervention, not a "good for you"

- That time you drank a 5th of Jaeger and pissed in your closet is not a conversation starter.

- That time you went to the combat medic school and practiced giving vodka IVs will also not be a good conversation starter

6. Bodily functions:

- Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while you run away may be viewed as "unprofessional".

- The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be funny no matter how big it was, how much it burned, or how much it smelled.

- You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no matter how funny it is

- VD will also not be funny

7. The human body:

- Most people will not want to hear about your balls. Odd as that may seem, it's true.

8. Spending habits:

- One day, you will have to pay bills

- Buying a $30,000 car on a $16,000 a year salary is a really bad idea.

- Spending money on video games instead of on diapers makes you a fool.

- One day you will need health insurance

9. Interacting with civilians (AKA YOU):

- Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat will not be normal.

10. Real jobs:

- They really can fire you.

- On the flip side you really can quit.

- Screaming at the people that work for you will not be normal, remember they really can quit too.

- Taking naps at work will not be acceptable.

- Remember 9-5 not 0530 to 1800

11. The Law:

- Non-judicial punishment does not exist and will not save you from prison.

- Your workplace unlike your command can't save you and probably won't, in fact most likely you will fired about 5 minutes after they find out you've been arrested

- Even McDonalds does background checks, and "conviction" isn't going to help you get the job

- Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you really arrested, not yelled at Monday morning before they ask you if you won.

12. General knowledge:

- You can in fact really say what you think about the President in public.

- Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it's just pain.

- They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they are more important then you are, be polite.

- Read the contracts before you sign them, remember what happened the first time.

Just After I posted my last blog...

I found this blog with this picture:



Me, myself, I don't see the appeal... (immature laughter fading into silence....)

Funniest Line on SNL Update In A Long Time

It went something like this (I couldn't find the EXACT verbiage):

"Police found and diffused an explosive device in a Starbuck's bathroom last week. This is far from the first time someone has dropped a bomb in a Starbuck's bathroom."

The episode had Scarett Johannsen as the host and this is the first time I've seen her in anything other than tabloid headlines. She's pretty but I still wouldn't pick her out on the street. SNL did their normal; based most of their skits around the fact that Ms. J is attractive to ther average man.

The only thing I found surprising was that she's from New York (she looks more European to me and with the name, who can blame me?) and I gotta give her props on nailing a NY accent in a couple of skits.

What 28 Years Can Do

What 28 Years Can Do.

It's On!!!!

For the 7th time:

Too Bad, Foreskins

Oh sweet sweet moments. Finally, after being a lifelong (as opposed to an active) fan of my beloved city's Seahawks, we are one game away from the Big One.

Finally, we have an opportunity to choke on a playoff game rather than choking during the season.

Know What's Cool?

When you find out once you get in on a Friday that not only do you get a three day weekend but you get to leave at noon and don't have to be back until noon Tuesday.

That's cool.

And on Friday the 13th!

Best Headline I've Seen In Awhile

From Fark.com:

Woman survives for six days in wrecked vehicle by sucking moisture from a towel. Misses record for most days of consecutive sucking, still held by Duke University

Ouch

Just got the repair bill for the Saturn:

Ignition module
$424.00

Ignition module labor
$62.40

Ignition Coils
$193.30

Ignition Coils labor
$46.80

Crank position sensor
$47.17

Crank position sensor labor
$46.80

Spark plugs (plus labor)
$66.76

Diagnostic
$79.99

Fuel System Clean-up
$84.99

Subtotal
$1,052.21

10% Discount
$105.22

Tax
$33.49

Total
$980.48

Ass-Piercing: Free

Random Items On The Way To And From The Bathroom

1. I believe there is few less-dignified moments than having one's pants and underwear bunched down at one's ankles and showing under the shitter-divider. Even with nice shoes and expensive slacks. Somehow, this is worse.

2. Exact conversation snippet I heard in the hall between two IT contractors on the way back....

"... then you set the parameter to access the cache...."

And I thought I was a geek. Whoa.

Brand New Lieutenant Colonels

Many people I knew when I was a new Officer are now picking up their silver oak leaves. They are becoming serious big-pants people. Here are the ones on the latest list:

Major Bash: one of the Four Horsemen, although he's been hiding out recruiting for a few years. That's about to end and once he gets back to reality, will be joining our yearly excursions to Lone Pine, California.

Major Finley: He was the Executive Officer for my TBS Company. He won't remember me but he made quite an impression on me. I remember him to be quite entertaining yet no-nonsense.

Major Whitehouse: he was my SPC at TBS. I large, older, formerly-enlisted Marine, I flet lucky that he leaned more toward the mentorship end of the leadership spectrum at TBS. I might have been murdered if it wasn't for him.

Major Reinhart: he was the lat-moving Captain in my Adjutant class. He also went on to work at higher HQ (1st Marine Division in Campt Pendleton, CA) when I was sweltering in the 29 Palms' desert.

Major Seifert: he also served with me in 29 Palms as the XO of the track unit.

Congratulations, Gentlemen.

Horsemen Email

Here is an email chain between me and one of the other Horsemen (Brent). I had sent him pictures of a recent Change of Command and here is where we start. (BTW, LtCol Stopa is as big as a house. A very muscular, intimidating house):

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Jason,

Thanks…and you better change the info to read "LtCol" Jim Stopa vice Major as he is a year or so senior to me….and he is highly capable of ripping your lips off.

S/F
Brent
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He was a Major at the time! Ew, maybe he wasn’t. Was he?

I ran into him twice yesterday. Well, didn’t “run into him” because as you can tell, I’m able to type. But I saw him as I was walking in my building (he was lost, looking for a meeting that was in another building). Then I saw him in the gym at lunch. He’s embarrassingly puny these days.

Anyway, talked to him about joining the modern age and getting an iPod. He’s still using a CD player in the gym so I extolled the virtue of an iPod. He said he was thinking about getting his daughter one and he might consider it.

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Jason,

Stopa was a LtCol at the time. He has been a LtCol for over a year....at the time, I was the boot LtCol, not him. Remember, I had exactly 24 hours time in grade at this COC

Hey, how was your Thanksgiving? Did you eat yourself out of your Alphas?

While I still am not going to the WWW next year. I do plan to run the USMC (I have longer to train). Perhaps that could be the next "horseman" event.....since it's so close to you and Phil and doable for me.

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Thanksgiving was great, just stayed put and ate, napped, read, and geeked. Now I’m doing two-a-days to get ready for the holidays. Going back to the Midwest where my Mexican side of the family will fill us full of fried lard. It will not be pretty, hence the two-a-days and baked chicken breasts and salads.

Correction: you ARE doing the WWW so get your silver oak-leafed ass on the road and get ready. I’ve lived through 5 years of your pussy excuses and you will never be as young as you are right now. A goal without a plan is called a dream so get on the pavement, get in the gym, and get ready to visit the desert in May.

That is all.

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A plan without resources is a hallucination!

Anyway, I'll see you in October at the USMC Marathon.....which will be the LAST MARATHON I EVER RUN. How do you get into the Marathon anyway? My office wants to run it as a team.

By the way, Marathons are not healthy for pudgy middle-aged white guys.

Now I must change over to do my lunch run.

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That’s it, I’m turning you into the Horsemen Motivation Conglomerate. Stand by, Colonel.

To answer your question, you put you name in to the website once it opens. In past years, they’ve had a lottery but in 2005, they just let almost everyone in. If they go back to lottery, you put your info in and then start getting weekly emails telling you if you made it or not.

There is also a rumor that the Marathon office reserves slots and active duty can walk in and get them. I don’t know if that’s true but it’s right here on base and if need be, I can check it out.

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(This is from Sir Phil, one of the other Horsemen)

And the ORF chimes in: hey, Buckwheat, the WWW will be a great training run for the Marine Corps Marathon. That, Del Taco macho-combo burritos, a little VEegas (or was it going to be Reno this year?), a healthy dose of "we toss 'em, there awesome" capped off with some strength and honor will have you all set by Nov 06. No cheese-dickery.

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26.2

I ran across this tidbit I wrote after one of my marathons. Yes, I'm rehashing but it made me laugh:

Let’s get something straight right now. A marathon is 26 miles plus 2/10ths of a mile. No, just saying “26 miles” is not good enough. Listen to what I’m saying. A marathon is 26.2 miles. You can say it’s “26 point 2” or “26 and 2/10ths” or even the more mathematically acceptable “26 and 1/5th” but what you CAN’T say is just plain old 26 miles.

You think I’m splitting hairs? OK, pal, cram your happy ass into a pair of running shorts, shove your hooves into a pair of running shoes, and join me one Sunday while we trot 26 miles at my pace. At mile 26, we’ll have a discussion about the difference between 26.2 and 26. My guess is that you’ll discover a galactic difference between the two distances.

Similar thoughts were running through my fried brain at mile 25 when some unsuspecting spectator announced “Just a mile to go.”

If I would have had more strength than a newborn kitten at the time, I would have explained to this well-meaning cheerleader that she could pack it where the sun hopefully does not and will never shine.

You see, at this point, my normally understanding and tactful personality tends to wear thin in places and no euphoric sentimentalities arise in my interpersonal interactions. In other words, I’m a huge ass at mile 25.

But the fact remains that the very established distance of a marathon is 26.2 miles and don’t ever forget the .2. You might receive a reverse enema from a newborn kitten.

New Year Resolutions

Yeah, I know I'm like 4 days late but here goes.

In 2006, I will complete at least 2 marathons.
I will be 180 pounds at some point.
I will start taking piano lessons.
I will read at least 25 books.
I will catch up on email.

There, that's enough for now.

Still enjoying vacation

Got back from the Midwest and now know that just about everyone on both sides of my family have SOME problem with just about every other person. Either I've been ignorant or shielded all these years. Been playing Switzerland for a couple of weeks.

Now I'm with friends in North Cakalaki and enjoying catching up on long lost friends.

Tomorrow we head home and I have a couple of days to catch up with email, webpage, blogging, mail, and newspapers.

I should also get back into running since I dodged a bullet with my Physical Fitness Test.

More later.

Oh yeah, happy 2006!!!