Things To Love About Spotsyltucky
Killjoy recently waxed poetic about what she missed about St. Louis. To cheer her up, I wrote her a similar list of the benefits of living here in Spotsyltucky:
10 Things in Spotsyltucky that make up for it:
1. Junior's Bait & BBQ and hunkerin' down counting teeth (adult average: 4)
2. The 15-minute stoplight at the corner of Route 3 and Allen, Allen, Allen and Allen (a REAL law firm here! Really.)
3. The PWT Fair
4. The dead racoon on Sister/Wife Road.
5. Cinema 15 where they constantly spell movies the best they can.
6. "Free Manure" signs
7. Public arguments centering around "my babies' momma."
8. Having a clothsline AND a still in the backyard.
9. The way the 90%+ humidity makes the overalls stick to Cooter's portly girth. (But all that body hair creates a cooling barrier so she doesn't complain much)
10. The way the heat ripples off the hairy female arms hanging out of cars with perfectly good air conditioners.
10 Things in Spotsyltucky that make up for it:
1. Junior's Bait & BBQ and hunkerin' down counting teeth (adult average: 4)
2. The 15-minute stoplight at the corner of Route 3 and Allen, Allen, Allen and Allen (a REAL law firm here! Really.)
3. The PWT Fair
4. The dead racoon on Sister/Wife Road.
5. Cinema 15 where they constantly spell movies the best they can.
6. "Free Manure" signs
7. Public arguments centering around "my babies' momma."
8. Having a clothsline AND a still in the backyard.
9. The way the 90%+ humidity makes the overalls stick to Cooter's portly girth. (But all that body hair creates a cooling barrier so she doesn't complain much)
10. The way the heat ripples off the hairy female arms hanging out of cars with perfectly good air conditioners.
posted by Viper @ 8/24/2005
6 Comments:
At 11:42 AM,
mistyblue3 said…
LOL! Sounds like a fantastic place. Where do I sign up??
At 11:51 AM,
Viper said…
Easy. Just marry your brother or father and you'll be told how to get here.
At 9:58 PM,
Killjoy said…
I actually saw a commercial yesterday for Allen, Allen, Allen, and Allen. Some rubbish about this guy who moved to Virginia for a job and there was some sappy home video of his young daughters and how they are probably in their twenties now and this cat was marketing this law firm that's supposed to be three generations. What the? Didn't he just move here like 20 years ago? Is he an ALLEN or not? And if not, where are all these Allen cats?
At 7:13 AM,
Viper said…
The commercials are the worst. they are all over the radio and sport this fake toughness thinly veiled with threats.
"Dangerous drivers, this is to put you on notice. We protect the good drivers of Virginia and you will pay for your dangerous driving if you hurt the good people of this state. You've been warned."
The tone is very accusatory and sounds like a man in a bow tie trying to convey a toughness he does not possess.
Even more irritating is that they buy up two commercial slots in a row and play the same or very similar spot right after the first.
"You've been warned". Yeah right, kiss my ass.
At 5:40 AM,
Anonymous said…
Item #6, by any chance are they anywhere near where Senators and Congressmen keep their offices?
Raymond Young
At 4:12 PM,
Viper said…
Good one but actually it was a hand-painted sign.
And I don't know if they were intelligent enough to mean it but it was brown paint.
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