OK, So Here's The Deal...

A Marine Major, Running Fool, and All-Around Smart-Ass.

Friday, August 26, 2005

"Daddy, what's an orgasm?"

This was the question my 13-year-old son posed to me as I sat at my computer and tried do dislodge my galbladder from my throat.

I had no idea what the right answer was. I mean, I KNEW what the answer was, of course. I've read books. But what was I going to say to my young son?

I could have said "You are!" but that would be wrong. It would, wouldn't it? Y..YEAH, of COURSE it would.................... right?

So with all the wisdom of countless generations of Grose men, I weilded the power of my mighty sword of knowledge and uttered....

"Why?"

Yeah, as though there was an innocent, easy-out context I was not aware of.

"This site of weird facts says that pigs can have orgasms that last hours."

Fuck.

Say somthing, Jason, say something... say anything... you've had The Talk years ago... say something... here's your chance to be educational... say something...

In the end, I just gave him a quizical look and waved my hand at him in a gesture that announced I really didn't want to explain this right now. I sat there, a failure in the face of fatherly duty.

And wondered what it was like to be a pig.

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7 Comments:

  • At 10:47 AM, Blogger mistyblue3 said…

    Oh man. That's tough.. how do you explain that sort of thing to a 13 yr old? I am not looking fwd to those questions at all, but I know they're coming. When you figure out what to tell him, let the rest of us in on it. Or, are you just going to wait and hope it forgets about? I think that's what I would do (coward).

     
  • At 11:23 AM, Blogger Viper said…

    Somehow involving the term "pork" seems comical. Wrong, but comical.

     
  • At 11:45 AM, Blogger Ryan said…

    You could be super scientific and technical. he wish he'd never aasked halfway through. either that or your boy's a young kinsey

     
  • At 2:15 PM, Blogger Chris said…

    Your best bet in a situation like that is to refer him to his mother. For women have the gift of dispensing that kind of information. That way it releases you from the intense situation you got yourself in and you can take pleasure in knowning that it is all over. ...... Alex I just explained it better than your dad....

     
  • At 4:59 PM, Blogger Viper said…

    Chris,

    You REALLY think I didn't think of the old standard "Go ask you mother"?

    That's default when I wave him away.

    -- Capt G

     
  • At 5:46 PM, Blogger Chris said…

    please Jason, give me SOME credit for trying to have a good come back

     
  • At 7:01 AM, Anonymous Raymond Young said…

    Well, I cannot offer any real advice, but when my best friends daughter asked her a similar question she responded by trying to find out what her daughter THOUGHT the answer was. After that they talked it over. Don't ask me how, I have NO idea. I did think starting with what the child thought she knew was a good start though.
    Best of luck on resolving this one. When my 5yr old asks me things like that I tell him I will talk it over with him when he is a little older. Unfortunately 13yr old is "a little older".

     

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