Do NOT Go In There

I was saving this blog for my other site but to understand my NEXT entry, I have to show you this one.

Just read:

I don't normally like poop talk.

OK, maybe it is an old blog standby that is guaranteed to get a laugh. In fact, I could dedicate an entire sub-page to my webpage with links to all the times I've discussed fecal follies. My marathon page alone would fill half the page.

But I must stoop once again and let this out (ewwww, stop it, you know what I meant....)

Someone destroyed one of the two toilets at work. I've been gone for 3 weeks and everything was dandy when I left. Well, as dandy as 100-year-old brick barracks converted to office space buildings can be, I guess.

I have my favorite, like most people. Come on, folks, you know you go to the same stall every single time and when someone is in there, you feel like they are in YOUR stall. Admit it.

So I go in there and see that MY stall is unoccupied so I gleefully open the door to see....

THE HORROR!!!!

What someone did in there must have required medical attention. If not, there is a sick bastard sliming around this building, maybe crawled into a dark corner and is decomposing. Finishing decomposing.

Allow me to get graphic...just because.

M80 buried in a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. Let explode. Then, pile in about 2 rolls of double-ply asswipe and let simmer for 3 weeks.

That about covers it.

So who should clean it up? Well, it seems that everyone has relegated that task to that severely overworked guy named Not Me. Our building employs a civilian cleaning crew but obviously this falls outside the particulars of their contract because the lady, who seems to park her cart in the doorway when I'm most desperate to use the bathroom, has not found the need to take care of this little problem.

So then it would make sense for the S4 to take care of it. They are the logistics guys and normally handle the facilities responsibilities. They keep the room stocked with paper and have to fix the doors and such around here so they seem like the logical choice.

Let me point out a couple of things about this I find amusing:

1. There has been a deteriorating step at the front door of the building since I got here. When it got bad enough, S4 put a cone on it. Then they put a sign that warned people. Then they LAMINATED the sign and put tape to secure it which served the dual purpose of keeping the cone grounded. My point is, they built a semi-permanent structure to warn people about something that would be easier just to go ahead and fix.

2. The back door of the building is near the S4 office. The air brake for the door broke so every time someone used it, it slammed shut with violent force creating a deafening sound. The S4 put a sign on the door ordering people not to let the door slam. OK, so you are telling me that the very entity that is bothered by this slamming door is the same as the one responsible for fixing it? And my motivation to play along with this is what? Again, wouldn't it be easier to FIX it than to go through all of this?

So you see, I don't have all of the faith in the world that the S3 will step lively to rectify this butt-bombed shitter situation, even though they too suffer the loss of 50% of their ability to unload their collective fecal matter. They have shown great willingness to suffer the consequences of their inaction.

So I must use the JV toilet along with everyone else. The one that has the mini-seat, a little too small for perfect comfort until, I don't know, the President signs the next budget and the military gets a 300% increase in spending.