I Hate My Lawnmower
Not just dislike, not "tends to make me irritated" no, folks, I HATE it.
Yesterday it wasn't cutting so I had to tear it apart in the heat to clean it only to put it back together to discover it STILL didn't work.
#$%$@#%$#@%@$#
So today I took the time to tear it apart AGAIN in the heat (after a 16 mile run, mind you) to replace the $35 belt and when I got it back together....
The batterty was dead.
Why?
Because it's a fucker.
So I charged it up just enough to get it going, drove it to a patch of grass and discovered it still didn't cut.
Why?
I told you. Fucker.
Just as I discovered this, it stalled and died.
Why?
You thought I was going to call it a fucker again. But this time, it ran out of gas.
Fucker.
So I filled it up only to discover the battery was dead, again (OK, still).
Mother fucker!!!!
So I had to push it to the garage where it can rot in Hell for a billion eternities.
Yesterday it wasn't cutting so I had to tear it apart in the heat to clean it only to put it back together to discover it STILL didn't work.
#$%$@#%$#@%@$#
So today I took the time to tear it apart AGAIN in the heat (after a 16 mile run, mind you) to replace the $35 belt and when I got it back together....
The batterty was dead.
Why?
Because it's a fucker.
So I charged it up just enough to get it going, drove it to a patch of grass and discovered it still didn't cut.
Why?
I told you. Fucker.
Just as I discovered this, it stalled and died.
Why?
You thought I was going to call it a fucker again. But this time, it ran out of gas.
Fucker.
So I filled it up only to discover the battery was dead, again (OK, still).
Mother fucker!!!!
So I had to push it to the garage where it can rot in Hell for a billion eternities.
posted by Viper @ 8/07/2005
7 Comments:
At 7:34 PM,
mistyblue3 said…
LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!! I feel your frustration. That was the funniest friggin' thing i've read all day!!! Good luck w/ that.
misty
www.bestmomever.blogspot.com
At 5:49 AM,
Killjoy said…
yeah, this was some of your BEST WORK. Ha. I especially like that you didn't spellcheck and that your Qbert (that is the name, right?)expletive came up as an email address.
At 7:11 AM,
Viper said…
Misty,
Thanks. My best work is done when I'm red hot. That definately qualified but geez, at what cost. If I become a professional writer, I'll have to be a raging maniac!!!
BTW, I had to pass the lawnmower in the garage on the way out to work this morning. I growled at it.
At 7:14 AM,
Viper said…
Killjoy,
Glad my maniacal rantings entertained you. It took a half dozen beers to calm me down.
And I think you mean "QWERTY" which is the name for a standard keyboard. It's the first 5 letters on the upper left ofthe keyboard.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go laugh myself into a hernia over "Qbert."
At 7:34 AM,
Killjoy said…
Q bert. The videogame. He hopped around and if he fell off the thing then he said #*$@!
Isn't that right?!
At 7:34 AM,
Killjoy said…
OH! Might have been AFTER your time.
At 7:37 AM,
Viper said…
OK, I stand corrected. I thought "QWERTY" was some blogging shorthand for masking cusswords and you mistakenly called it Qbert.
Yes, I remember QBert, in fact Carrie is the world champion. Me? Well, let's just say there are a lot of explicatives when I play that have nothing to do with the screen.
And is that an effiminate jab about my age?
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