Raising the Bullshit Flag

I saw this and had to discredit it because, that's the kind of guy that I am. Read through to the end and read my explanation.

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MIND GAME
2% or 98%

This is strange...can you figure it out? Are you the 2% or 98% of the population? Follow the instructions! NO PEEKING AHEAD!

*Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.
*There's no trick or surprise.
*Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!

*Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them ... really.
* Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something).

1. Think of a number from 1 to 10

2. Multiply that number by 9

3. If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together

4. Now subtract 5

5. Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with (example: 1=a, 2=b, 3=c, etc.)

6. Think of a country that starts with that letter

7. Remember the last letter of the name of that country

8. Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter

9. Remember the last letter in the name of that animal

10. Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter

Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange?

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This may appear to be freaky but it’s not.

Any number you pick between 1 and 10 and multiply it by 9, when those numbers are added together will ALWAYS be 9.

1 x 9 = 9 and 9 + 0 = 9
2 x 9 = 18 and 1 + 8 = 9
3 x 9 = 27 and 2 + 7 = 9
4 x 9 = 36 and 3 + 6 = 9
5 x 9 = 45 and 4 + 5 = 9
6 x 9 = 54 and 5 + 4 = 9
7 x 9 = 63 and 6 + 3 = 9
8 x 9 = 72 and 7 + 2 = 9
9 x 9 = 81 and 8 + 1 = 9

Then subtracting 5 from any answer will leave you with 4 every time, which then maps to “D” as instructed.

Then it asks you to name a country and can you think of any other country other than Denmark that starts with a D? According to the internet, these are the only ones:

Dem. Rep. Of The Congo
Denmark
Djibouti Dominica
Dominican Republic

Obviously, most people will choose Denmark since other than the last one, most people won’t even know about the others.

That leads the person to “K” as the last letter and then you are asked to think of an animal starting with that letter. Most people will choose “kangaroo” although I would think that “koala” would be a common answer.

If you answered “kangaroo” than the only fruit that I know of that starts with the last letter “o” is orange. If they would have answered “koala” then most likely you would guess apple or apricot.

But the instructions tell you to do it fast so the most “famous” “D” country, “K” animal and “o” fruit would jump to people’s minds.

Don’t be duped!!!

Maybe The Mashed Potatoes Were Lumpy

I just love a heartwarming holiday story.

Sheriff: Man beat family to death on Thanksgiving

MYAKKA CITY, Florida (AP) -- A 20-year-old man was arrested Sunday in the slayings of his parents, younger brother and elderly grandmother, whose bodies were found bludgeoned to death in the family home, authorities said.

Richard Edgar Henderson Jr. told detectives late Sunday that he had beaten his family to death with a pipe on Thanksgiving evening, Manatee County Sheriff Charlie Wells told the Sarasota Herald-Tribune.

He was being charged with four counts of murder and was jailed Sunday night without bond, authorities said. It was not immediately clear if he had an attorney.

The bodies of his parents, Richard Henderson Sr., 48, and Jeaneane Henderson, 42, grandmother June Henderson, 82, and 11-year-old brother Jake were discovered in the home earlier Sunday, the sheriff's office said.

The medical examiner was examining the bodies and had not released an official cause of death.
Henderson was arrested shortly before 7 p.m. Sunday walking along a highway in Palmetto, the sheriff's office said in a news release. He had been seen at the family home earlier that morning and later abandoned a van in nearby Wauchula, officials said.

Myakka City is about 45 miles southeast of Tampa.

How Does This Happen?

Somehow, I'm now reading three books at once.

Don't ask.

Seattle's monorail trains collide, 2 hurt

First, they make it sound like the two trains slammed into each other when in reality, they clipped a door. Fucking media.

Second, I'm from Seattle and if "a screeching sound -- metal on metal -- and glass breaking" is the LEAST dangerous thing you encounter, hang around for more than a few minutes.

Third, if coming down the ladder was scary, drop a pair of stones, would ya?

Fourth, in a strange way, this story made me homesick.

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SEATTLE, Washington (AP) -- John Gahagan was riding the monorail with his family when the sliding door was ripped off of their train car, breaking a window and showering his two children in glass.

The train had clipped the monorail's only other train on a curve in the tracks Sunday evening, forcing the evacuation of 84 passengers from the mile-long, 43-year-old elevated line between downtown and the Seattle Center.

Gahagan's children, ages 15 and 11, were unscathed by the glass, but officials said two other people were hospitalized with minor injuries.

"We heard a screeching sound -- metal on metal -- and glass breaking," said Gahagan, 50, of Mukilteo, Washington. Several people slid off their seats.

But he said the crash "wasn't real violent," explaining that "the scariest thing was coming down the ladder."

Several blocks of Fifth Avenue were closed after the accident, said Helen Fitzpatrick, fire department spokeswoman.

The crash happened over the planned route of Sunday's Seattle Marathon. Officer Rich Pruitt was not sure whether the marathon would have to change course.

The Seattle Police Department would investigate the crash, Pruitt said. The National Transportation Safety Board would also likely investigate, he said.

The monorail was built for the Seattle World's Fair in 1962 and has been popular with tourists, drawing as many as 23,000 riders a day. But a years-long fight to expand the system met with sound rejection by voters this month.

The line was shut down for more than six months last year, after a smoky fire stranded about 100 riders. No one was seriously hurt.

This whole thing is a Jerry Springer show

Give ME $65.4 million and I'll guarantee you I won't be checking out any time soon.

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Powerball winner found dead in home.

NEWPORT, Kentucky (AP) -- A woman who won a $65.4 million Powerball jackpot with her husband five years ago was found dead at her home overlooking the Ohio River, where she had apparently been for days before anyone found her, police said.

Virginia Metcalf Merida's son discovered her body Wednesday. Police were awaiting autopsy and toxicology results before announcing a cause of death.

When the woman and her husband, Mack Wayne Metcalf, won the jackpot, they told lottery officials they were going their separate ways to fulfill their dreams. Merida planned to quit her job making corrugated boxes and buy a home. Metcalf, a forklift operator, wanted to start fresh in Australia. He never did.

Metcalf died in 2003 at age 45 while living in a replica of George Washington's Mount Vernon estate built in Corbin, Kentucky. His death followed multiple run-ins with the law, including a child-support dispute from a previous marriage and a drunken-driving charge filed before he hit the jackpot.

Neighbors said Merida stayed out of public view until last December when a body was found in her 5,000-square-foot, custom-built geodesic dome house. Campbell County Deputy Coroner Al Garnick confirmed that the man died of a drug overdose. Official records of the case were unavailable because of the Thanksgiving holiday weekend.

Merida used part of her winnings to buy a second home, but when she tried to evict the resident, the renter sued. A hearing was scheduled for Wednesday.

Carol Terrell Lawson, who is still renting the home, said that she never met Merida in person and only learned of the death after reporters began calling her.

Arnold Went To The Big Hamburger Stand In The Sky

This saddens me.



Pat Morita, 'Karate Kid's' Mr. Miyagi, dies.

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Actor Pat Morita, whose portrayal of the wise and dry-witted Mr. Miyagi in "The Karate Kid" earned him an Oscar nomination, has died. He was 73.

Morita died Thursday at his home in Las Vegas of natural causes, said his wife of 12 years, Evelyn. She said in a statement that her husband, who first rose to fame with a role on "Happy Days," had "dedicated his entire life to acting and comedy."

In 1984, he appeared in the role that would define his career and spawn countless affectionate imitations. As Kesuke Miyagi, the mentor to Ralph Macchio's "Daniel-san," he taught karate while trying to catch flies with chopsticks and offering such advice as "wax on, wax off" to guide Daniel through chores to improve his skills.

Morita said in a 1986 interview with The Associated Press he was billed as Noriyuki "Pat" Morita in the film because producer Jerry Weintraub wanted him to sound more ethnic. He said he used the billing because it was "the only name my parents gave me."

He lost the 1984 best supporting actor award to Haing S. Ngor, who appeared in "The Killing Fields."

For years, Morita played small and sometimes demeaning roles in such films as "Thoroughly Modern Millie" and TV series such as "The Odd Couple" and "Green Acres." His first breakthrough came with "Happy Days," and he followed with his own brief series, "Mr. T and Tina."

"The Karate Kid," led to three sequels, the last of which, 1994's "The Next Karate Kid," paired him with a young Hilary Swank.

Morita was prolific outside of the "Karate Kid" series as well, appearing in "Honeymoon in Vegas," "Spy Hard," "Even Cowgirls Get the Blues" and "The Center of the World." He also provided the voice for a character in the Disney movie "Mulan" in 1998.

Born in northern California on June 28, 1932, the son of migrant fruit pickers, Morita spent most of his early years in the hospital with spinal tuberculosis. He later recovered only to be sent to a Japanese-American internment camp in Arizona during World War II.

"One day I was an invalid," he recalled in a 1989 AP interview. "The next day I was public enemy No. 1 being escorted to an internment camp by an FBI agent wearing a piece."

After the war, Morita's family tried to repair their finances by operating a Sacramento restaurant. It was there that Morita first tried his comedy on patrons.

Because prospects for a Japanese-American standup comic seemed poor, Morita found steady work in computers at Aerojet General. But at age 30 he entered show business full time.

"Only in America could you get away with the kind of comedy I did," he commented. "If I tried it in Japan before the war, it would have been considered blasphemy, and I would have ended in leg irons. "

Morita was to be buried at Palm Green Valley Mortuary and Cemetery.

He is survived by his wife and three daughters from a previous marriage.

Thanksgiving Funnies

Thanks, Akinoluna.

Turkeys' Revenge



and....

'G' Is For "GMail"

I watched a funny video this morning that was linked from the GMail main page. It was basically a Sims-generated video of a GMail fan but what makes the whole thing blog-worthy was the black shirt that the drummer was wearing.

It had the words "The Man" with an arrow pointing up and the words "The Legend" with an arrow pointing down.

I want one.

Welcome to the Jungle

I just heard "Welcome To The Jungle" driving into work this morning and I realized, that is one scary fuckin' song. The words, the delivery, the lead singer.

Take a gander at the words and tell me if it don't make your blood run cold. I think that having this as an introductory song blaring over speakers at the beginning of any event (school, bootcamp, SEAL training) would set the tone.

Welcome to the jungle
We've got fun 'n' games
We got everything you want
Honey, we know the names
We are the people that can find
Whatever you may need
If you got the money, honey
We got your disease

[CHORUS:]

In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Watch it bring you to your
knees, knees
I wanna watch you bleed

Welcome to the jungle
We take it day by day
If you want it you're gonna bleed
But it's the price you pay
And you're a very sexy girl
That's very hard to please
You can taste the bright lights
But you won't get them for free
In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Feel my, my, my serpentine
I, I wanna hear you scream

Welcome to the jungle
It gets worse here everyday
Ya learn ta live like an animal
In the jungle where we play
If you got a hunger for what you see
You'll take it eventually
You can have anything you want
But you better not take it from me

[CHORUS]

And when you're high you never
Ever want to come down, YEAH!

You know where you are
You're in the jungle baby
You're gonna die
In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Watch it bring you to your
knees, knees
In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Feel my, my, my serpentine
In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Watch it bring you to your
knees, knees
In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Watch it bring you to your
It' gonna bring you down-HA!

Just.... damn.

Just HAD to be the dumb-ass French

Smoker tried to open airliner door

"BRISBANE, Australia (AP) -- A French woman who is terrified of flying admitted in an Australian court Monday that she drunkenly tried to open an airplane door mid-flight to smoke a cigarette."

I say let her open it, let her get sucked away, and then close it real quick.

"Have fun smokin' on the way down, Frenchy!"

FINALLY!!!

I finally got up my 2005 Marine Corps Marathon stories and pictures.

(grab a coffee and hopefully I can get it to spray out your nose).

By An Anonymous Marine

This is some good stuff.

By An Anonymous Marine

"I recently attended a Kansas City Chiefs football game at Arrowhead Stadium. It was their annual Veteran's Day tribute so members of all the services were asked to participate in the festivities.

A color guard for the National Anthem was provided by the Buffalo Soldiers Association. They looked very sharp in their 1800s-era US Army Cavalry uniforms. Following that, the Navy parachute team put on an impressive display that brought cheers from the 78,000 football fans in attendance.

Shortly thereafter, we were treated to the truly awesome sight of an Air Force B-2 Spirit stealth bomber flyover as well as a few other aircraft. All of these sights -- but especially the B-2 -- were truly appreciated by the crowd who let it be known by their cheers.

I expected that was all we would see of the US Military that day. I thought we would see a high school or college marching band during half-time. Few watch those shows anyway because they have to go to the head or grab another beer during the intermission.

Shortly before half-time, however, I looked down on the sidelines near the end zone and saw the Marine Corps' Silent Drill Team forming up. As the half-time show started, the players left the field and the announcer came on the public address system to advise us of the Drill Team's performance. Many of us Marines have seen these performances in the past and they're always awe-inspiring. I didn't expect that the large civilian crowd of football fans would be as appreciative of the Drill Team as they had been of the high-tech B-2 or the daring of the Navy parachute team. However, I was on the edge of my seat. As the Drill Team marched onto the field, the crowd grew noticeably quieter. Soon, the team was fully into their demonstration.
The stadium was absolutely silent.

From high in the stands' upper reaches where my seats were, I was able to hear the "snap" and "pop" of hands striking rifles. Both big screen "Jumbotron" scoreboards displayed close ups of the Marines as they went through their routine. As they completed their demonstration and lined up for the inspection, the crowd began cheering as the Marines twirled their rifles in impossible fashion. Then came the inspection. Again, the crowd fell silent and watched intently as rifles were thrown, caught, twirled, inspected and thrown some more. Each well-practiced feat brought a "wow" or "did you see that?" from those sitting around me.

I sat there in silent pride as I watched my brother Marines exit the field.

A young girl behind me asked her mother a question about how the Marines learn to do the things they just did. The mother replied, "They practice long and hard and they're Marines; they're the best."

This Was On CNN's Webpage

'Cool mom' gets 30 years for sex parties

I would be interested in knowing the hit count for that link.

Love it or hate it, you just gotta click it, right? Is it just me?

I didn't hink so. And just so you aren't left wondering, here was the opening paragraph:

"GOLDEN, Colorado (AP) -- A woman who authorities said had sex with high school boys during alcohol- and drug-fueled parties has been sentenced to 30 years in prison, officials said."

Sending someone to prison for having a lot of sex seems to be like sending an obese beefatron to a Krispy Kreme factory as punishment.

The Men Who Made Me A Marine

Like I talked about a couple of days ago, I had coffee with my Senior Drill Instructor on the Marine Corps Birthday.



He seemed much bigger when I looked like this.

Here is the other Drill Instructor from my bootcamp days, Top Garcia. He too seemed huge back then, especially when this stuff was going on (yes, that's me he's looking down at.)

Crazy (Like A Shithouse Rat!)

I just heard a remake of Seal's "Crazy" on the radio and couldn't figure out who was singing it.

So off to the magic box I went and I was appalled to discover it was Alanis Morissette. Not because I don't like her or that she did a poor job but because as a true Alanis fan, I did not pick her unique voice out right away. After I knew, well, of course.

And Alanis singing a song called "Crazy." Yeah, that's about right.

I like her. I like her music. But I still think she's somewhere around batshit crazy and verifiably head-fookified.

I really like this version; the song seemed to be made for her voice, her insanity, and she even stays true to Seal's vocal details (another artist I think has incredible music to match his voice but not so rubber-room worthy).

I also saw the video and it's classic Alanis: scarily in-your-face Alanis. It has a twist at the end that I will not give away but again, totally Ms. M-Is-For-Monkeyshit-Crazy.

Anyway, here is a great review I saw on the song that I have to agree with:

Alanis does a nifty remake of Seal's big one that's phat and phunky in the verses and suitably hookified in the chorus. The vid is a psycho-ex girlfriend tour de force with a twist.

President Bush May Send Up To 5 Marines For French Assistance

This was lifted from DragonLady but was too perfect not to repost here.

President Bush has authorized the Joint Chiefs to begin drawing up a battle plan to pull France's ass out of the fire again. Facing an apparent overwhelming force of up to 400 pissed off teenagers Mr. Bush doubts France's ability to hold off the little piss ants. "Hell, if the last two world wars are any indication, I would expect France to surrender any day now", said Bush.

Joint Chiefs head, Gen. Peter Pace, warned the President that it might be necessary to send up to 5 Marines to get things under control. The general admitted that 5 Marines may be overkill but he wanted to get this thing under control within 24 hours of arriving on scene. He stated he was having a hard time finding even one Marine to help those ungrateful bastards out for a third time but thought that he could persuade a few Women Marines to do the job before they went on pregnancy leave.

President Bush asked Gen. Pace to get our Marines out of there as soon as possible after order was restored. He also reminded Gen. Pace to make sure the Marines did not take soap, razors, or deodorant with them. The least they stand out the better

A Happy Marine Corps Birthday Indeed

On the 230th Marine Corps Birthday, I was privileged to have coffee with my Senior Drill Instructor, now a retired Sergeant Major who works in the next building over. What an honor it was to sit and talk with the man who made me a Marine!!!

Then I called the Rose Garden DI, Chuck Taliano and talked to him for a bit.

Later, I called and talked to another one of my Drill Instructors, Top Garcia.

I called my best friend while I was in the Gulf War, Rob Doyle, who got out and became a doctor.

I called someone who has contact with R. Lee Ermey and asked him to give him a call for me to wish him a happy birthday.

I called a good friend who was in Monterey with me and later went to Iraq.

I TRIED to get in touch with my enlisted mentor but he was working. Damn pogue!

I went over to my first boss’s (as an Officer) house and had a couple of shots of Jim Beam.

We then called the other two of The Four Horsemen (Major Bash who is recruiting and LtCol Norquist who is in Lejuene).

Happy 230th Birthday!

It's the Marine Corps Birthday today and in case you didn't know, this is a big deal to Marines. We have a formal ball, we have a huge celebration meal, and we have a big cake no matter where we are.

In 1992, we had steak and a huge birthday cake in the middle of the Saudi Arabian desert. In 2000, I had steak and lobster in the middle of the desert in 29 Palms while we were in the field.

Another point of protocol is that every Marine wishes all other Marines they meet today with a hearty "Happy Birthday" and the sentiment is returned. It's kind of a weird feeling to say "Happy Birthday" to everyone you meet and to hear it in return all day but a good weird. A sense of pride is very present.

So if you see a Marine today, wish him or her a happy birthday.

He's Still A Draft Dodger

Great fighter but the fact still remains, the bastard turned his back on his country when it called him for service. I don't care that he was "the greatest of all time" in the ring, he was called and he didn't answer.

Today I read through the names of every Marine killed in Iraq and guess what, they were ALL volunteers to go and gave the ultimate sacrifice. So I find it a little hard to take to read this:

Honoring Ali
Bush awards icon the Presidential Medal of Freedom

Even in the article, it explains:

Ali, as a conscientious objector, refused to serve and went to jail for avoiding the draft.

He wouldn't of even been in danger, being hustled around on USO tours to boost morale for the real fighters.

When I was in Saudi Arabia, Thomas "The Hitman" Hearns came out and talked to us. Just him showing up to the desolate piece of shit camp we lived in did wonders for men and women spending months on end away from home in a war zone.

So don't put a medal around his neck. To me, he's in the same league as Jane Fonda and should be treated as such. If you want to hand out medals, seek out the men and women who don't even have to be ASKED to serve their country.

Meanwhile, go ahead and keep reaping the benefits of living in this great country while real heroes walk the line, Mr. Ali. I'm sure your safety and livlihood are much more imporatnt than those schmucks living day to day over in Iraq.

Two Pandas Tie The Knot

Thousands of guests came to the party dressed as pandas

BANGKOK, Thailand (AP) -- Thousands of people in Thailand came to the wedding party Wednesday, but the nuptial bliss belonged to a pair of animals: the country's only two resident giant pandas.

Get a fucking life.

It's Just Not Fair

"It's really an honor to compete even though you don't win anything. You do it for pride." said Jeremy Brown, the first Marine to finish Sunday's marathon.

This was Brown's first marathon, and he finished in 2:35:07."

Whaaaaat? First marathon? 2:35:07? A half hour from the World Friggin' Record!!!!!?

I should be happy for him. I should feel pride for the Marine. I should ... fuck it

Nobody likes a show 0ff... hmfffffff..... (Viper walks away pouting)

Better?

Now stop your bitchin'!

Birthday Presents

Happy Birthday to me..

Happy Birthday.... you know the rest.

My new stuff.

Mom's Card

Happy Birthday!

It is hard to picture that little bundle they brought in to me has grown into a strong, handsome man -- a very respected family man.

I love you so much --

Mom

1968

I'm not ashamed to announce that tomorrow is my 37th birthday so let me hear it. None of you know my address so I will eventually forgive the massive lack of presents.

I will get my yearly phone call from my mother who will tell me that she remembers watching Johnny Carson when she went into labor and how I was such a beautiful baby.

Then she will claim she was 3 years old since she is 40 now.

I will remind my Dad in about a month that it was my birthday in November and I will get chastised for not reminding him. Then he will promise to send a card or something, of which I will never see.

I will get 5 phonecalls from my wife's family (she's the oldest of 5 so the other4 will call plus her parents).

I will get Power Point presentations from the kids and of course, Buster will nudge me in the crotch like a damn dolphin. I know this becasue it will not only be my birthday, but a normal day.

Then I will bitch and moan about having to accept that I'm no longer in my mid-thirties but then I will realize that not only did I make it to 37 but I'm only 37.

It will be a happy birthday.

Was I Channeling Augustis Gloop?

Yesterday I ate a chocolate energy bar late in the day. It had some crispies on top and a few minutes after I was done, I discovered I had a crispy on my thumb. I ate it.

A few minutes later, another one. I ate that too.

Then a dolup of chocolate on my wrist. I irritably wiped in off.

As I got in my car an hour later to go home, I looked in the rear view mirror and there was a big spot of chocolate on my upper lip and on my chin.

WHAT THE FUCK?

I'm Up, They See Me, I'm Down

Police: Winning lottery ticket purchased with stolen credit card

MEDFORD, Oregon (AP) -- A woman bought a winning lottery ticket worth $1 million with a stolen credit card and could wind up with nothing if convicted, police said.

Can you spell "d-u-m-b-a-s-s"?

She can't.

I Stand Corrected

Earlier last month I blogged about the funniest costume ever.

But these have got to be close contenders. (props go to WayCoolRob)

A Day Late But "BOO!"

Here are the pumpkin offerings I made this year:

First, we have Sick Jack. He didn't feel so hot.



Next, we have "Shot Between The Horns By A Desert Eagle"



I'm so friggin' festive.

Great Quote

The only difference between a dream and a goal is a deadline.

Harry Potter's 'flying' car stolen

LONDON, England -- The "flying" car used in the Harry Potter films has been stolen from a film studio lot, police say.

Wasn't that the mean bastard that almost killed them? Hopefully it'll go all psycho on the theives and throw them into the Whomping Willow.

(OK, the fact that I could rattle that off without looking anything up might be a small red flag)